Diversity: Tolerance Through Communications- Part 2

Building on part one of this post, on how dialog is an effective communication tool, the next step will be how to leverage elements of dialog for a better outcome:

A: Make sure that we are conscious of how we react to different situations and to suspend our response by holding off on any judgment, especially without reliable information or just based on our own personal experience.

B: Suspend our decision making until we get all the facts, and not behave on impulse or based on partial or wrong information. 
Dialog is great to help understand different sides and to make decisions. Through dialog people feel heard even if the decision isn’t to their liking, it creates less resentment.

C: Listen to the other party, stop talking, create a space in our heads and around us to properly listen, look a person in the eye, open our mind, focus on the person that is talking, their conversation. Effective listening also means that we encourage the other party to speak freely in a non-threatening environment till our turn comes up, then we do the same. Ask open-ended questions not to trap them or to win debates but to find common ground, and finally observe the verbal and non verbal clues.

 

Keep in mind that we disagree with ideas and not with people; never demonize anyone. We should try to understand why others disagree with us and why they think they are right. Listening carefully to them make them feel that we care about how they think and how they feel.

In the process, we can discover something new about someone and learn from them; dialog helps uncover hidden assumptions that stand in the way of effective communications which may be blocking the way of understanding and bring it up to the surface.

We should only represent ourselves in a dialog and not as a group or as a community, treat others as peers, listen with empathy, acknowledge that we heard and that we care, look for common ground , look for hidden assumptions. 
Dialog is about WE, options and solutions. Looking at our past and to the foundation of our nation, we can learn how to move forward, we can agree to disagree.

We can believe what we believe, but we don’t have the right to crowd other people’s space or impose our ways on them, or shove our beliefs down their throats. Realize that we don’t have to agree with each other to respect each other; only then may be hearts will soften to embrace those who are different from us.

We ALL also need to remember that sensitivity and respect travels in both directions and should be practiced by both parties. We don’t have to accept something just because it is politically correct.

Let us open our minds to the magnificent range and convolution of our humanity. I leave you with this quote from Robert Kennedy Jr. that appeared in O Magazine in February of 2007:

“The big threat to America is the way we react to terrorism by throwing away what everybody values about our country–a commitment to human rights. America is a great nation because we are a good nation. When we stop being a good nation, we stop being great.

Diversity starts at home.

Sahar Andrade
Executive Director
Sahar Consulting 
http://www.saharconsulting.com

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DIVERSITY: Tolerance Through Communication- Part 1

Article first published as Diversity: Tolerance Through Communication, Part 1 on Technorati

There are many controversies currently happening around us, including the Arizona Immigration law, racial profiling, the Cordoba Mosque and the Dove movement, that inspired me to share some peaceful thoughts, and not get into the debate of who is right and who is wrong or even take sides. Hopefully, I’ll be able to start a healthy dialog.

The US is a great country – if not the greatest; the founding fathers built it on the spirit of human rights, tolerance, and acceptance of all differences. The US is built on diversity, on a combination of flavors to strengthen the foundation of this country, one flavor enhances the other.

One doesn’t have to agree or like everyone, but one has to treat everyone and every person with respect and equality.What someone thinks is their business, how they act it out is what is important as it concerns others. Having flexibility to integrate is what will get us all to the safe side of the river.

Prejudice is a natural human reaction, we all have distrust and fear from people that don’t look like us or are different from ourselves. Confronting our belief system and find our biases becomes crucial so we can make smart choices about our behavior. Healthy conflicts bring positive changes, effective communications provide safe environment to discuss conflicts and differences. Effective communications creates tolerance, which creates acceptance and respect; both are key solutions to most of our problems.

When people are asked what they think represents difficult communications with others, the answers include:

• People that get angry for no reason
• People with heavy accents
• People that talk all the time and don’t listen
• People that listen to us – then re-arrange our words the way they want to understand them
• People that always think they are right
• People with egos
• People that are indirect.

People assume that people that are different from them either by color, age, race, religion, gender, political views are difficult to communicate with, and this is where the communications’ barriers start erecting.

Just because we speak the same language doesn’t mean that we understand each other, perhaps because of factors like where or the way we grew up, the kind of work we do, or our ethnicity, religion and language origin.

But we can effectively communicate and bridge the gaps to a diverse world, and better understand and respect each other words, feelings, thoughts and actions. Effective communication has many forms; the most practical forms are dialog and debate.

Dialog is a collection of skills we communicate with to develop understanding and trust. Dialog is conducted between two people, or a group of people. Dialog is a non judgmental, two-way conversation. It is about putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes and trying to feel how they feel. It is about developing sets of shared assumptions to use as a foundation to work together to find a way to agree in a non combative way.

While in a debate, we try to win. We concentrate on the weakness of our opponent, on what is wrong with their argument, to prove why our position is right. In a debate we stand our ground, defend our point of view and criticize other perspectives. The goal is to win, but at the end no one really wins.

It is important to understand the difference between dialog that respects both sides, and debate where the belief is that only one opinion is right, and of course it is ours.

In a perfect diverse world, people develop strong opinions. Let their feelings emerge through the process of dialog, but not in a way to cause conflict or in a way to prevent moving forward.

Till we meet on Part 2

 

Sahar Andrade
Executive Director
Sahar Consulting 
http://www.saharconsulting.com

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