How many of you asked themselves “Why Me?” when something bad hit their lives.  Car troubles or money problems, a woman getting dumped instead of having a commitment, a man’s wife cheats on him, a partner/spouse processes a divorce leaving behind a pile of debts. Heart problems, RA, Cancer, tragedy strikes, and it makes most of us ask this: “Why me?”  We ask this question because we feel singled out, we even think that we might have been punished for a bad deed that we did in the past.  Why me is a mix of self-pity and frustration.  We feel that way because of either our past/ belief system we grew with or due to circumstances.  When we ask Why me we assume the role of Victims that things happen to us, that we are not in control that we have no other choice but wallow and sulk in our pain.  We feel betrayed either by God or by the people that has let us down.  We feel we have been good people helping others and whatever happened is just not fair

What if we assume the possibility that anything that happens to us is not that bad? I always believed everything happens for a reason always a good one even of we fail to see it at the time, we just need to have faith, faith in the universe, faith in a higher power, in God and mostly in ourselves, that we have the ability and the strength to overcome these circumstances that we can turn the situation around.  We tend to analyze everything that happens to us it affects us personally and we forget that we are not the cause and effect of everything.  Do we really want to spend our life wasting our time feeling sorry for ourselves?  We always see others being the reason of their problems BUT we are never the cause for ours. We seem to find any excuses except our role in our problems, failing to see our part in creating some problems.  We blame the fights happening with our friends or siblings as being totally their fault, forgetting that it takes 2 to tango, the car broke down because we didn’t take care of that light in the dashboard, progress of a disease because we didn’t see the Doctor when we should have.  But it is easier to deflect responsibility and to feel that we are a victim, persecuted.  We say my life was going so well, it seemed until this happened. Because of this, everything else changed, until this is solved… nothing can move forward.  This way, we justify how unfair it is that tragedy struck us, and that we absolutely do not deserve it. We concentrate on all the negative aspects of it making it hard to find something positive to say about it.

Why is it we never say “Why Me” having this promotion, why me having great parents even simpler than that why me having a good health.  Our life is full of blessings and it is up to us to see them and not loose sight of them no matter what happens.  We are not born victims, we make ourselves ones, I refused to be a victim a long time ago I learned that whatever happened to me I had a part in making it happen and once I claimed that responsibility things went better in my life, I opened myself up to take chances to find the love of my life and deal with it on a daily basis, our happiness is cultivated and need constant work it is not a matter of luck or a matter of destiny it is a result of choice.  I really feel bad for the people going through hard time not only because of their pain, but also because they choose to feel that way. 


There is a line that I always say to myself, and have come to believe and practice which is: I rather focus on the 95% good rather than the 5% bad, I truly believe that the Why me people only focus on the 5% bad, and miss out on the 95% good.  Choose to replace the negative thoughts with more positive ones.  I know some will tell me it is impossible there is nothing I can do; I have no choice in the matter.   Some pessimists will tell me I can’t be joyous… as they feel they must cling to their pain? Clinging to the pain even when 20 years have passed since the painful thing took place as it defines whom they are.  Because this is their comfort zone and all what they know stepping out of it scares them, it is their defense mechanism as they feel secure where they are “Status Quo”.  They still fail to see that this is what they are doing and they will argue: Do you really think I want to be in pain?  

You have a choice to move towards a more positive joyous thoughts that will start changing your life or stay where you are miserable.  Think about it this way you are at your lowest point, what do you have to loose?

Start thinking positive and say Why me not making the effort of be happy, thinking about all the good things you have been blessed with in life, remind yourself of these blessings, good loving family, if not you good friends that are there for you in every step of the way, you have your intelligence, your inner beauty, your strength and most of all your tenacity, you need to take steps towards that goal, imagine the satisfaction and joy you will feel to get there, try to help less fortunate people and you will really realize how fortunate you really are, turn your thoughts to something meaningful in your life and not just a car that you would like to have or a piece of jewelry.

 It essentially depends on you.  Remember whatever doesn’t break us make us.  You need to make this a process to apply in your life and not just when you face a problem.  Your happiness, or your state of being content and satisfied would no longer depend on external circumstances, but on your inner decision to choose your thoughts, in order to maintain that inner balance.  Divert your energy to positive thinking instead of using it to burn your insides.  Think that every day is a blessing by itself.  It is unrealistic to go thru life expecting that only good things will happen to us and none of the bad, though every lotto ticket is not a winner, but there are those that do win, therefore I would rather focus on the 95% good than on the 5% bad, because then it lets me see how much good had happened to me in my life allowing me to say when the 5% bad comes around: Why not me? It was my turn

 Sahar Andrade




  1. Great insight and great advise. I find myself getting a bit frustrated with the “Why me” people and then I realize that I, too, am focusing on the negative when I do that. I used to be a “Why me” person but now I’m a “Why not” entrepreneur. Life has been so much better now that I’ve chosen to make it this way. A decade of “Why not” has been wonderful.

    Thanks for the great post, Sahar.


  2. Good points. It’s helped to change my thinking in many ways–and over time, hopefully, in many more. Baby steps–one step at a time. Thanks!!

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